Writers Block and Being More Vulnerable

A personal note on perfectionism and pause

Photo by Kuan-yu Huang:

Last week, I set myself the task of writing two articles, but it’s now Tuesday, the following week, and I spent the best part of my weekend mulling over my drafts, searching for inspiration and growing ever more frustrated with the fact that I can’t seem to write anything.

I want to be the person who can make commitments (like I did in my last post) and follow them. My perfectionistic mind doesn’t like it when it sets an intention and doesn’t follow through and I can get compulsive in my need to resolve it (hello, OCD). In this case, I spent hours lying on my bed, circling the drain for ideas until I broke in a fit on hopelessness.

Alas, I need to have compassion.

I had a busy week. I moved into a new place, and have been making an effort to spend time with my new flatmates. I’m also been battling what I suspect is an impacted wisdom teeth, the glands on the right side of my throat bulging and raining down on my mood.

All signs point to a need for rest, but my mind resists it.

When I started writing over on Medium I was writing purely reflective/educational pieces. I’d choose a topic and focus on that. There wasn’t much talk about “me”, or my process and it’s actually easier for me to write like that than like this.

It’s hard to be vulnerable. I worry what people might think if my articles aren’t glossy, my points of view sharp, and my progression linear. I worry that I’m being complacent when I share, and as you can see, I can tie myself into mental knots.

But what you’re seeing now, IS me: some days I struggle and some days I feel so inspired I can crack out an article in a few hours. This past week I’ve been the former.

Above all, my attempts to be more transparent and vulnerable have seemed to resonate with you. Authenticity attracts, because we’re human. So I’m thankful for all the reassurance and support I’ve received lately as I move through this transition period I am in.

I guess I’m writing this to say that I have big goals for this year, and whilst the world will tell you you need to operate on 100 24/7 to get stuff done, it’s not realistic.

Honor your needs. Your authentic needs. And don’t be afraid to still express even when the expression isn’t glitch and glamour.

Look also into why it is you’re so hellbent on “doing”. As someone who struggles with self-abandonment and placing his value in his output, if I struggle writing I take it very personally. Writing becomes a test of worth, rather than space for me to play and be creative.

This isn’t the way to approach anything: from your relationships, to your work, to your hobbies. Try not to approach life from this space.

You have got to trust the process, and trust yourself.

So, if you’re reading this and you’ve got things you’re wanting to do and you’re not feeling inspired, have some compassion for yourself. Getting angry because you want one thing and your body says another isn’t productive.

You’ll just lose hours to the noise.

Notice the block and step away from a while.

I called my blog Above the Middle, and I’m trying to show more of what being in the middle is like.

Messy. Confusing. Uncertain. And Human.

Thank for reading. I hope you’re having a great week wherever you are.