Winter Incoming: A Commitment To Healing

With Winter coming I’m sensing a change in myself.

This year has been a difficult one for me and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t felt like I’ve regressed in my personal growth. I went through a breakup, I partied the summer away against my authentic wishes to take care of myself, and I’ve let my creative practices slip. Sometimes I look outside at all the bad in the world and think, “What’s the point?”.

There are many reasons to keep going, to do better and strive to be who you want to be.

I truly believe it’s my life’s mission – and maybe you feel the same.

With winter on its way most of us grumble at the thought of shorter evenings and colder weather. Here in the UK it can be particularly miserable (and knowing us we probably won’t get a warm day till next spring!).

With it might come a feeling of demotivation. Seasonal affective disorder is a thing, after all, but what if we look at winter as an opportunity to turn inwards rather than allow our external world to dictate how we should be for the the next 5 months?

I have dreams and I have goals but I haven’t been working towards them productively for some time.

“The biggest mistake you can make in personal growth is confuse awareness for action” is a quote that’s always stuck with me from someone I can’t remember on a Mark Groves podcast I listened to a couple years back.

I know what I need to do.

You may know what you need to do as well.

I want us to collectively look at winter as an opportunity to take action.

Here’s what I’ll be doing…

1. Addressing Trauma

I cried in a breath-work class today. After 50 minutes of conscious breathing at different paces I felt my mind open up – and with it reveal pain. I felt triggered and could identify the limiting belief that was sitting there:

“There’s something wrong with you” it said in various forms, a belief of mine that has caused many problems throughout my life.

Breathwork and its techniques are believed to bypass the conscious mind and allow us to access the unconscious parts of our limbic system, where trauma is held. When I researched this after the class this made sense to me. Whilst it felt uncomfortable in the moment to feel the things I felt it was also healing.

I imagined myself giving myself a hug. “You’ve been so hard on yourself, Joe” I thought as the tears began to well.

This moment illuminated something important for me: There is work to be done here. One breathwork class won’t solve it and neither will continuing to sabotage myself, either.

This isn’t a criticism of myself but an acceptance of what has been true.

I have been neglecting myself.

We grumble at winter as if the darkness is something bad. As children we fear darkness. I suffered with night disturbances for much of my childhood, going to bed in fear.

I’m committed to working with my own darkness this winter.

I’m committed to delving into the spaces that aren’t comfortable but are ultimately healing.

I believe in my capability to do this but if you feel otherwise then seek assistance by a coach or therapist who can help you on this journey.

Exercising My Voice

I’ve been reading “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron recently and in it she talks about “Shadow Artists”: Individuals who have creative desires or personal practices who hide them from the world due to limiting beliefs wrapped in fear and shame.

I love writing but I’ve felt I have hit a ceiling in my own personal growth. I will always write but I need to push myself further. I need to use my voice and be comfortable talking about the things I enjoy again. It’s all good writing my thoughts, pressing publish and going about my non-creative life, but I am also hiding this work away.

I don’t link my blog to my instagram and I don’t make Tiktoks or YouTube videos anymore. This is because I’m afraid. I am afraid of the judgement that may come in expressing myself.

During breathwork parts of your body might tighten up, identifying strain and tension that could be signals of something more. Today I felt it in my jaw and I couldn’t help but think, “Is this because I’m not using my voice authentically?”. There are many moments in my day where I fear speaking and I’ll clench my jaw to stop me from saying something.

I ask you, where in your life is your voice needed right now? Have you been using it to reinforce a sense of self that isn’t true to your authentic parts? Are you using it but not believing in the words you are saying?

There is so much power in speaking your truth. Find ways to use it this coming winter.

3. Stopping Self-Abandonment

This year I have consistently rejected boundaries I’ve set with myself and ignored my intuition.

More often than not this has led to unfavourable circumstances where I’ve looked back and thought, “I knew I shouldn’t have put myself in the position in the first place”. This can become a shameful experience as we aren’t keeping to our word.

There are many reasons why we might self-abandon and overstep our own boundaries. How strongly we can honour our authentic “No” is one of them. Do we give in to peer pressure to do things we don’t want to do despite our intuition telling us we need to rest? Are we chasing the highs that often come with bad or self-harming behaviours? Are we prioritising short-term reward over long-term fulfilment?

For me, it’s looked like a mixture of all of the above. There are times I’ve sworn I won’t drink, only to put myself in a situation where alcohol is readily available, tempting me into a night out that I would later regret..

This Winter I’m committed to giving myself permission to honour my authentic wants and needs. This means taking a step back from the environments that have led me to self-abandon and making space for environments that help me keep to my word amongst likeminded people (yoga classes, breath-work, wholesome social events, etc).

Whilst external factors can lower our self-esteem, we have to take responsibility for how we treat ourselves. Do we overstep boundaries we’ve set to keep ourselves safe? That is an act of self-abandonment and self-harm. Keeping to our own word is an act of self-trust. It is a practice of knowing what is good for us and honouring this deeper want/need over material gains or temporary highs.

4. Fostering Community

Today in my breath-work class the facilitator spoke of the default-mode-network, a series of brain structures believed to play a role in referential thinking — something I’ve written about extensively before. When she mentioned it my eyes widened. It was the first time I’d heard someone else talk about it.

Internally I felt two shifts: one that drew me closer to her — as she was speaking about something I found super interesting — and the other wanted to push away. It’s like my ego wanted to pushback on the fact someone else out there was talking about something I knew.

This perplexed me but in hindsight it made sense. It can be lonely having passions or interests and only enjoying them solo but I guess I’ve built an identity around feeling like an “other” most of my life. My Ego, trying to keep me safe, can then get defensive when I see others with similar likes or dislikes.

The point here is to not seclude ourselves, even if our identity has been built around our loneliness. We can find community with people who are similar to us, and we’d go good to look embrace it.

Winter can be lonely when you’ve spent your life feeling like an outside.

This Winter I aim to go out and make an effort to find my tribe.

Thank you for reading this article!

What are you aiming to do this Winter?