Stepping Into Authenticity Means Dissolving The Idea That You're "Too Much" for This World
The idea we are "too much" is a common belief to hold when you have been made to feel less-than in past relationships.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve envisioned my higher self only to catch a judgemental thought that says, “Wow, wow, WOW. You can’t do that – people will think you’re too much”.
The idea we are “too much” is a common belief to hold when you have been made to feel less-than in past relationships, as a child, or by society at large.
A belief rooted in a fear of judgement, it can infiltrate every facet of your life from the goals you set and your ability to stick to them, to your ability to communicate how you feel in romantic relationships, to how you show up in the workplace, and much more.
To honour the voice inside of us that wants more, to develop secure connections, and to step out of the shadows, we need to dissolve the idea that we’re too much for this world, because spoiler alert (!), you’re probably not.
Managing Your “Too Muchness” From A Thought Perspective
Julia Cameron, writer of the “Artist’s Way”, a renowned guide on how to reach your fullest creative potential and read by millions refers to restrictive thoughts like “I’m too much” as “blurts”.
Blurts, according to Julia, are mind-based manifestations of our inner critic, which, conditioned by past-pain, tries to keep us safe through judgemental comments, internal side eyes, and the ultimate devaluement of our authentic self.
Blurts succeed in restricting us when we identify with them as absolute truth and don’t question them.
When I identify with my blurts, I don’t take steps towards being who I want to be. I stay small and quiet, and I don’t honour my needs. As I spoke about in a past article, I then lose trust in myself.
Recently, I’ve been making note of when these blurts show up so that I can be more aware of when my inner critic is trying to resit me and keep me safe.
When we identify a blurt we’re then given a choice: Do we listen to it, or do we not? If listening to blurts like “I’m too much” have left us feeling dissatisfied, then it’s time to start meeting that blurt with actions that say otherwise.
This all said, weather we listen to our blurts or not, the risk of being rejected by others is real.
What if we don’t listen to our “too much” blurt and are subsequently rejected and/or criticised?
Managing other people’s judgements is critical for dissolving the idea that you’re too much. So long as we are overtly concerned with what other people may or may not think about us, we’ll die by worries sword.
What Is Too Much For Them, Isn’t Too Much For Everyone
There was a time me and my flatmate would always talk about mental health. Each day, whilst cooking food usually, we’d discuss our challenges, our unique neurosis, and psychology at-large.
Then one time she had to tell me to stop. She was going through a particularly bad rough patch and my need to keep bringing up my problems was in turn triggering her to think about hers.
For her, in that moment, I can see that I was “too much”.
But that didn’t mean my need to express myself was invalid. It didn’t mean I I should silence myself around others, or stop expressing myself in other areas of my life.
When we’re prone to self-rejection and feeling like we’re too much, one experience of external rejection can feel cataclysmic. Suddenly our inner critic rears it’s ugly head, “See?!”, it says, “You knew all along you were too much, and here is the evidence!”.
This is to say, there are people in your life who might see you as too much but this is often a projection of their own judgements and place in life. It doesn’t mean they’re bad for rejecting us, we may indeed be too much for them as we are. It doesn’t mean we’re bad, either, for being “too much” for them in that moment.
Life isn’t black and white. There’s nuance to everything.
I understood my flatmates need to set a boundary. She was going through a difficult time and expressions of my discomfort reminded her of her own.
I was indeed too much for her, but it didn’t mean I was too much.
You Won’t Please Everyone, Nor Can You Control Their Opinions
I’ve found the more strongly I identify with my inner-critic, the more I want to control other people’s perceptions of me but even then I can’t avoid rejection.
At some point you come to realisation that you may as well work on being more yourself than trying to impress others being someone you’re not.
For some, you might appear too much but without stepping in to who you truly are, you won’t find your tribe or home in life.
So ask yourself:
Where in my life am I playng small?
What blurts does my inner critic churn out when I try to step outside my comfort zone?
Where in life can I begin taking small steps towards the person I want to be?
Am I trying to control other peoples opinions of me? If so, how has that worked in the past? *In my experience, it hasn’t brought me the fruit I imagined it would.
Thank you for reading this article. I write thoughtly content throughout the week on topics relating to personal growth and relationships.
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