I’ve Become Complacent With Personal Growth
How Absolving Yourself from Accountability Causes Harm and Hinders Our Mental Health and Personal Growth
I’ll be honest, the past 6 months (probably more) have been a rough ride for me on my growth journey. Since my rough breakup last year, I’ve slowly let go of some invaluable self-care rituals like my morning meditation practice, and I’ve picked up some nasty habits — like lying on my bed with a nicotine pouch trying to avoid doing anything.
It’s not ideal and I know things like this (and more) are not good for my wellbeing.
I then complain about how I feel stuck, how I don’t know what to do, and blaming external factors.
Sound familiar? We’re all susceptible from time to time for making excuses — and some are valid, of course — but I’ve come to the realisation that excuses only take you so far.
I know what I need to do.
I know what will make me feel better.
I just need to take some accountability.
Taking Accountability For A Life You Help Shape
Looking back at how I’ve been these past few months, life has felt like it’s happening to me rather than for me.
The universe has been my enemy, and daily tasks have been done with a groan and a “I don’t want to do this!” attitude — like a kid stomping his feet when he’s told he needs to brush his teeth before bed.
I’ve reverted back to an old version of me in the process: Someone who believed everything and anything was out to get him, and that he had no control over how he felt. It’s the mindset that led my mental health into the gutter, so I know I need to nip it in the bud.
Whilst there are external factors that will influence our energy, mood, and ability to take action, we are the one in the drivers seat of our life:
We decide what matters.
We decide what intentions we set for the day, and if we decide to follow that pessimistic thought, or not.
And if we’re struggling, we can ask for help, rather than make our bed and dissociate in the misery pretending everything is OK, or melancholically mulling in the sadness, living on a daydream of when things could get better.
Why We Absolve Accountability
Absolving responsibility gives us permission to keep doing the things we know aren’t good for us.
I see this all the time when individuals can’t take responsibility for their role in dating unavailable people: “I just keep having these situationships with non-comitted people”, they say:
Well, did you make it clear after the first few days that you were looking for a comittment and did you ignore red flags?
If so, then there is an element of accountability you did not take for your wellbeing.
We can’t off-hand all our problems to the outside world for others to fix, and we can’t ignore our intuition that says to us what we need to do, and ignore it and then claim we’re not getting the results we want.
We’ll feel hopeless in this scenario because we’ve lost control.
Final Thoughts & Action Points
Where can you take responsibility today?
Where are you assigning blame on external factors to absolve yourself from doing anything?
Can you accept there is a part of you that is resisting or putting off taking responsibility because that would mean doing something about it?
I do want to be clear that there are external factors we can’t control that will impact our ability to do things. Burnout is a good example. People would say, “change your job”, but it’s not that easy, especially when there are financial constrains involved.
There’s nuance to everything, but in that nuance there are likely elements of accountability that can be taken.