3 Personal Growth Reminders When Life Feels Tough
Things I Remind Myself of in Times of Strife
If you’re a follower of my blog, you may have noticed I haven’t posted in a few weeks.
I’ve been struggling a bit in my day-to-day.
My corporate job has been draining me, I’ve been too burnt out to find any time to write, and I’ve settled into a mindset of, “Just put your head down, do what you need to do, and make it through the day”.
Of course, I’ve felt pretty bad as a result. I love writing, and building up this blog has been my proudest achievement.
Anyhow, I’ve got 6 months till I go traveling. 6 months until I venture out into nomad territory and put my creativity first.
I can’t wait, but I know I need to start mentally preparing myself for it. I want to go in good mental shape, so I sat down today to remind myself of these three personal growth principles.
If you’ve found yourself astray from your own growth journey and resisting your current reality, hopefully, this article can help.
1. Each Action You Take is A Vote for The Person You Want To Be
There are numerous quotes from James Clear’s Atomic Habits that I could put here but his words on identity-based habits have stuck with me since I first read them 5 years ago.
We are who we believe ourselves to be — which can present problems if we’re someone (like myself) who was conditioned as a kid into believing themselves to be unworthy. Without conscious awareness, we’re likely to think, feel, and act in ways that reflect and further solidify our sense of unworthiness.
James says that changing our beliefs requires two steps:
“1. Decide the type of person you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.”.
I’ll be honest, I can get very complacent and frustrated with myself. I don’t remind myself nearly as much as I should about who I want to be, and as a result, I fall back into behaviours and coping mechanisms that were born from my sense of unworthiness.
We have to keep reminding ourselves of the change we wish to make.
Who do you want to be?
What can you do in support of this higher self?
What small steps can you take today?
My wish to be a coach and a writer requires me to show up a certain way. I can’t show up that way if I’m lying in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. In this space, my unworthiness festers, and soon enough I lose touch with my higher self.
Identify what it is you want, and take the steps to get there. You can do it!
2. Resistance To The Now Causes Suffering
Recently, I’ve become frustrated with my current reality. Why can’t things come sooner? Why can’t I be where I want to be? These questions reverberate around my skull as I enter another day, setting me up to feel conflicted and frustrated.
Whilst it’s good to recognise when our current experience isn’t aligned to what it is we want to do in life, resisting our current moment creates internal strife that hinders our ability to show up productively.
I can get in my own head so much, resisting the presen,t that my days crumble under the weight of dissatisfaction. Short-term highs and anything to take me out of my mind seem attractive from this space. I’m unhappy, and some of it is my own fault.
I’m choosing to resist my current moment.
No one else is telling me to show up to life this way, and I can choose differently.
Accepting your present moment doesn’t mean settling. It means choosing to move with life and not against it. You’ll be amazed how much energy is freed up when you make the simple choice to not resist your current momnet. A simple change in perspective, one towards acceptance and not resistance, can free up otherwise stuck energy to take action.
As Eckhart Tolle says,
“To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness”.
3. Happiness Is The Journey, Not The Destination
When I’m actively resisting my present moment, through complacent thoughts and a lack of action, I can get stuck in what Pete Walker calls “salvation fantasies”.
In these salvation fantasies I envision how happy I’d be if I reached my goals. I picture myself, somewhere sunny; free of life’s challenges, doing what it is I dream of doing.
This daydream brings me a sense of peace, but too much daydreaming and I start neglecting my present moment. I become envious of others who are further ahead than me, and taking action feels effortful.
Happiness is a journey and not a destination. There are always going to be challenges in life; what matters is how we show up in spite of them.
When we’re living in resistance, holding out hope that things will be better in the future, we run the risk of reaching said goals and feeling the same way we do now, only with a new goal in mind — a new salvation fantasy.
My focus right now is accepting my current moment. Things aren’t how I’d like them to be, but allowing resistance to fester into demotivation isn’t helping. I feel stuck, I do less of the things I enjoy, and a negative feedback loop ensues.
Thank you for reading this article. I appreciate your time and interest in my work!
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